Friday, January 19, 2007
Desciptive Paragraph
Came home one tiring school day, threw my messy binder and my cute little dogy backpack down the creppy hallway. Ran in my beautiful room to see if any of thoses bad rugrats had enter it and messed it up as usual then there it was on the seiling posted there as if it was the one that was scared I was terrified, then it ran and it was out of sight, and then there it was trying to get away as I called my dad as if i was a little girl that had just fell off my bike. He came stroming up the stairs because i had made him lose his game, he said in a very fusrated way, "what do you want", i said in a very childish way, "can you please kill that spider" he creeped up on it and "BAM" there it was gone, vanished I cleaned it up an then went back to what I was doing. That was the most dreadful day.
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4 comments:
That was a very descriptive paragraph but I think that you should add more strong verbs and adjetives. I think that you were in a gloomy mood. I still liked it because it made me laugh because you said "i said in a very childish way, "can you please kill that spider", that shows that we all can use a dad or just a guy period in a house to kill a spider for us. LOL
Chakia, I enjoyed some of the descriptive vocabulary that you use such as, "cute" and "little." "Terrified" is a great verb and so is "storming." These words also add some humor to it, which I like. They are really strong words and I expected a monster or something to be up there or at least a big brother, but it was just a tiny spider.
words: creepy, rugrats, storming
why "storming" was so effective:i think this word was effectively used because you really conveyed emotion in it. obviously someone is going to be angry if you make them lose their game. i think it's this sort of expectation that they are going to be angry, and you really convey that visually and emotionally.
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